What is the date you began writing this memoir and the date when you completed the memoir? I started in October of 2020 and completed in August of 2021
Where did you do most of your writing for this memoir? And please describe in detail. I did most of the writing in my home. I created a safe, calming space where I could escape the excitement of my rambunctious children.
When I was writing the more difficult part of my memoir, I found it better to write away from home. I felt more at ease in nature, I wrote a lot while I traveled. Parts of my memoir we written in Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, Arizona, Colorado and Michigan. I enjoy being out in nature and being surrounded by nature gave me solace and peace to be able to handle the difficult parts of my story. Writing through a lot of my memoir was difficult emotionally. There is a serenity and calm that nature provides allowing me to feel safe and comforted, that I am a part of the beautiful vastness. In nature I hardly felt alone.
What were your writing habits while writing this memoir- did you drink something as you wrote, listen to music, write in pen and paper, directly on laptop; specific time of day? I had a ritual when I wrote. I would get my glass of red wine, I would turn on Celtic music by Julie Fowlis on my headphones and meditate with affirmations I needed to create a safe boundary when I was writing.
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I wrote bare bones structure of what I was going to write on a leather bound note book continually supplied by my best friend Jenny. Once I felt calm and at peace I would type away. I usually wrote at night into the wee hours of the morning.
Out of all the specific memories you write about in this memoir, which ONE MEMORY was the most emotional for you to write about? And can you share that specific excerpt with us here. The excerpt can be as short or as long as you prefer, and please provide page numbers or Chapter number as references. The one memory that was the most emotional for me to write centered around my experience being sexually assaulted. This was the most difficult part to write about also as I am still processing, twenty years later.
Chapter 3, Pages 56-57
The next thing I knew, I woke to cramps, as if my guts were trying to come through my esophagus to escape my mouth. My body was convulsing. I had dry heaves when I opened my eyes and saw the disgusting black grime on the grout in the red tiles, just inches from my face. I was in a filthy bathroom that I did not recognize. There was a loud ringing in my ears, and I had a splitting headache. I was naked on a grimy floor. I pushed myself to stand and hobbled to the sink to wash my face. It was covered in a thick layer of moldy film. At the sight of all this, I vomited again. I was at a loss as to my where- abouts or how I ended up there. My body shivered at the fact that I was on display. I had not been naked in front of anyone for as long as I could remember. A hot flash of urgency raced through me as someone approached the bathroom door.
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Can you describe the emotional process of writing about this ONE MEMORY? I poured it all out in one go as I cried onto my computer. I kept going, pushing down the same old feelings of shame, guilt and all the pain from the experience that simmered in the pit of my stomach threatening to boil over. It was a visceral experience as I relived the trauma. When I went through edits with my coach, it was a lighter experience even though I was suppressing the painful emotions that were coming through. After a few runs of editing, where I struggled with the acceptance of the memory, I found myself calmer and more in control. I reconciled the fact that it was the past and no longer serves me. I thought I found peace until I was reading copy edits and realizing the same feelings coming up again. I reframed my thoughts to more adaptive, useful thoughts and managed my way through it. The emotional process was a roller coaster though it was catharsis to put it all out in the open. I think the only way to describe it is a wheel of emotions that reappears from time to time but with more exposure to it, I am able to manage those emotions without suppressing them but rather letting them go, a little at a time.
Were there any deletions from this excerpt that you can share with us? There aren’t any deletions, all I wrote for this excerpt made it into the book.
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