Can you go through the step-by-step process of writing this poem from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain until final form? Since these two poems are in dialogue and were inspired by the same event, I’ve included them together. (And thank you for allowing this.) I recall the situation of these poems well. At the time, I was living in a small town in Michigan, fresh out of divorce, and had made friends with a woman who owned a florist shop. Sometimes, while downtown, I would stop into her shop, and we’d chat as she created floral arrangements. As a plant lover, I really enjoyed going into the shop.
On one of these visits, she appeared visibly anxious and began telling me about a miscarriage the night before. She was a single mother of two boys and didn’t even know she was pregnant until this happened. What struck me was her anxiety. I couldn’t read whether she was upset about losing the fetus or relieved. After talking, it seemed she was relieved though I sensed, based on her fragmented expression, that it was a bit of both.
I put these poems in my book Slaughter the One Bird, which recalls my own narrative of domestic violence and motherhood because her experience was a mirror for my own anxieties. I wanted and loved both of my kids (and still do!) but, circumstantially, having them trapped me with an abusive partner. My florist friend, circumstantially, simply did not have the time or income for another kid. When it came down to it, even if she had wanted the child, she was relieved not to have it.
I remember feeling this after she told me her story—this paradox or conundrum. Having children is an immense responsibility that still falls far more heavily on women than men. It’s a choice that can trap and enslave even as it invites celebration and anticipation. And you can only understand this duality if you are a woman.
Where were you when you started to actually write the poem? And please describe the place in great detail. I was still living in a home owned by my in-laws where I had lived for years with my ex-spouse. Honestly, it was a perfect home because I have a knack for making a space look like an Anthropology catalogue studio with items from secondhand stores and antique stores. My living room, where I would often write, had a grey tweed chair that I loved to sit, black lamps with plaid shades, a beveled antique mirror, a mid-century whicker hanging lamp, 50s style tables that I had gotten for free and refurbished, a beautiful barnwood shelf held up by wrought iron brackets painted lime green, family photos on the wall, lots of plants, and a TV on an old dresser that I had refinished and repurposed as a TV stand.
Were there any lines in any of your rough drafts of this poem that were not in the final version? And can you share them with us? I don’t know!! I wrote them both so long ago. I believe “My Friend Believes She Wishes a Miscarriage Into Reality” was published pretty much as it was first draft.
But “Husk” needed more work since it is a contrapuntal and can be read as two poems of individual columns as well as across the whole page as one poem. “Husk” is certainly a more empathic interpretation of loss from miscarriage, while “My Friend” reveals my friend’s anxiety and relief.
Click on the below link to read about Contrapuntal Poetry
https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/contrapuntal-poem-poetic-form
What do you want readers of this poem to take from this poem? I chose these poems for this blog because they dialogue on a complex female reality that is being re-examined in our current cultural context. It’s so easy for voters and politicians to make decisions about a woman’s body that don’t directly impact their survival or well-being; and it’s so easy to demonize women who would argue for personal autonomy. It’s easy from a comfortable distance. But when you are the woman faced with the full weight of responsibility for another human, you are not outside the argument. You are inside its consequences AND joys. And the consequences don’t just depend on you. They depend on your context and environment. They depend on the people around you and the society in which you are raised. So, even choosing to have a child could suddenly reveal itself to be a bad choice years in the future if, like me, you find yourself trapped in a marriage to a violent spouse because he controls ALL your economy. In an ideal world, every woman lives in a comfortable situation and her whole village raises her child to healthy adulthood. But that’s not the world we live in. The world we live in is one in which more people will throw their energy into arguing politics than helping their neighbor raise a child. In that sort of world, women need optimum choice. Our bodies. Our minds. Our emotions. Our stories. OUR CHOICE.
Which part of the poem was the most emotional of you to write and why? “Husk” was the most emotional. Specifically, “never /never kissed clean.” I was thinking not only about a miscarriage, but also about how my kids had suffered in a home with an abusive father and the resulting consequences. There was a way in which their lives had been miscarried. They didn’t get all the nurture, the ‘kisses,’ that should have been offered to encourage their souls and dreams. It’s difficult to be a mom and watch your kids suffer loss and brokenness, realizing that they deserved better and were capable of more than their opportunities allowed. I’m so grateful that both have done a lot of personal work and have grown up to be responsible, compassionate people. Despite everything, I’m a lucky mom.
Has this poem been published? And if so where? Both poems are in Slaughter the One Bird, my first full-length book published by Sundress Publications. Find it here: https://sundress-publications.square.site/product/slaughtertheonebird/148
Click on the below link to purchase SLAUGHTER THE ONE BIRD from Amazon
Most of the BACKSTORY OF THE POEM links can be found at the very end of the below feature:
http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2021/02/will-justice-drakes-intercession-is-251.html