Can you go through the step-by-step process of writing this poem from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain until its final form? This is the very first poem I wrote after learning about my brother’s lung cancer diagnosis last year. The poem is bound by that sense of shock that happens when you first hear about a cancer diagnosis, when you are gutted, stripped of words. That any words make it out at all—verbal or written—feels like a small miracle, like some small feat of magic.
I was also aware while writing the poem of feeling desperate to help my brother in any way that I possibly could. Receiving such terrible news, I knew I needed to bring my very best game to the situation, and yet, with news like this, you also feel paralyzed. Sometimes, a poem is the only thing you have to offer.
While the poems in Fairy Tale do not focus exclusively on his diagnosis, his journey is threaded throughout. His journey became the ribbon that tied all of the other poems together into a coherent whole. The book is dedicated to my brother.
I had started this manuscript before we knew anything of his diagnosis. I was having a difficult time weaving the existing poems together. The manuscript was already filled with references to traditional fairy tales and ballets, stories that typically involve danger, death, and above all, a prevailing magic. Because I was working front-line as a mental health professional throughout the devastation of the COVID pandemic, I knew I wanted my next book to be a study of how we preserve a sense of magic and optimism, even in the face of grave danger. It was the hard lesson I had to teach myself in order to survive the fear and exhaustion of working front-line through the pandemic. But while I thought the burnout from COVID was a challenge, once my brother’s diagnosis became apparent, this idea became even more urgent. Moreover, everything became far more painful. Along with everyone else in my family, I felt gutted. It felt like being kicked when you are already down.
Fortunately, I had been working closely with a small group of poets who have since become treasured friends. My husband and close friends supported my manuscript and cradled me one-hundred percent throughout this time. Ironically, it was during this time of feeling emotionally shattered that the manuscript transformed itself into a crucible. The book began taking on a life of its own. I took the existing poems and wrote new ones to complete a story that was aching to be told.
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I began to understand how our universal need to transcend danger and death has been addressed throughout the centuries in fairy tales. Our stories have been told over and over again. We grow up to become the necessary characters of our own fables and mythologies. It becomes our task to seek out, and protect, whatever magic is required to meet the challenge.
Click on the below link to read about the history of Fairy tales
https://libguides.mssu.edu/c.php?g=185298&p=1223899
I wrote the poem in July of 2021. In the fourteen months after writing “Going Halves,” I have had the opportunity to see even more of the incredible spirit that is my brother. Having had the honor and privilege of watching him navigate a truly terrifying journey in our day-to-day world, I STAND IN AWE. His spirit shines more brightly than ever. If I am ever faced with a similar journey, I hope I can summon even a small percent of the grace and courage I see in him. In the face of any danger, his gentle and pervasive spirit would be all the magic I could ever wish for.
Where were you when you started to actually write the poem? I was sitting at the desk that my husband uses. One of his pocket knives was laying on the desk. It caught a beam of light from the late afternoon sun. I suddenly saw an image of my little brother’s desk, the one he had in his room when we were kids. My brother had a red Swiss army knife that he used to lay on his desk. That knife started gleaming like a ruby in my imagination.
Were there any lines in any of your rough drafts of this poem that were not in the final version? And can you share them with us? This piece stands in contrast to the more lyrical poetry I am known for. It’s one of those poems that wrote itself. It felt like automatic handwriting while I was writing.
Click on the link below to read about the history of lyrical poetry
https://poets.org/glossary/lyric-poetry
I’ve shown the poem to two different poetry editors, both well known to me as being brutally honest in their approaches to poetry. When neither editor wanted anything changed on this particular piece, I decided to let it stand as is. At one brief point, I remember feeling guilty for not expanding the poem. After all, here was the most heartbreaking moment of my life reduced to only eleven incredibly simple lines. But I decided to stay with the poem’s concision. I also quickly came to find out, when more work came flooding out after this one, that I was going to channel whatever else I needed to say into other poems. Arguably, what came afterwards is stronger work, but when I read the part of the question “the poem that was the most emotional to write and participate in” I knew immediately that “Going Halves” was the one. Most would probably not consider it my strongest poem, but I chose it for this interview because it was written in the absolute immediacy of a highly emotional moment.
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What do you want readers of this poem to take from this poem? My brother once told me that one of the great joys of having a sibling is that you each carry each other’s life history. You’ve both known each other such a long time. And, unlike the generational difference between parents and children, there is something more immediate and personal between siblings. It reaches the point where it becomes impossible to imagine navigating the world without that other sibling.
Which part of the poem was the most emotional for you to write and why? The part when I learn what he is facing, while I am trying to think about the cancer logically (as I have been trained to do because I work in healthcare) where I imagine quite literally cutting my own heart in two to give to my brother. I certainly felt that physically happening when I received the news of his diagnosis. This is the thing you most wish you could do to protect a person you love so deeply, to give every part of yourself in an attempt to protect them. If there were any way to absorb their illness, their pain, and trauma, with your own body, you know you would do it in a heartbeat.
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http://www.gabriellelangley.com/
Most of the BACKSTORY OF THE POEM links can be found at the very end of the below feature:
http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2021/02/will-justice-drakes-intercession-is-251.html