#299 Backstory of the Poem : Stacey Z Lawrence’s “Cuffs”

Left to Right: Stacey Z Lawrence in her wardrobe at home in April of 2021. Copyright by Stacey Z Lawrence
Stacey Z Lawrence’s husband Mark in March of 2016. Copyright by Stacey Z. Lawrence
Mark’s shirt. Credit and Copyright by Stacey Z Lawrence.

Can you go through the step-by-step process of writing this poem from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain until final form? I was undressing for bed about two years after my husband died and I noticed I had thrown my shirt on. It struck me that I was still wearing his shirts to sleep. I started to write my feelings about his shirts still hanging from my hooks in the closet. I touched them and smelled them and just started to brainstorm anything I could about the physicality of the shirts. Once I had the images I began writing, adding themes as I pieced the poem together. This poem has been through many revisions. I am pleased with it now. I wanted the poem to pop and played with diction.

Left: Stacey Z Lawrence with husband Mark in March 2014. Copyright By Stacey Z Lawrence.
Her husband’s shirts in his closet. Credit and Copyright by Stacey Z. Lawrence

Where were you when you started to actually write the poem? And please describe the place in great detail. I was in my bedroom on my bed cross legged on my bed, like I usually am. I had cold tea on my side table because I drink tea when I am writing about my husband because he drank English tea. I had a mess of papers and scraps of paper to write down ideas or definitions or facts.

Stacey Z Lawrence’s writing space. Credit and Copyright by Stacey Z. Lawrence

What month and year did you start writing this poem? I started this poem about two years into the book Fall Risk. Probably March 2019.

Stacey Z. Lawrence in August 2016. Within that same year, she would begin writing her poems for the chapbook collection FALL RISK. Copyright by Stacey Z. Lawrence

Were there any lines in any of your rough drafts of this poem that were not in the final version? And can you share them with us? This poem went through several drafts. I was passionate about the metaphor of feeling trapped by him, his memory, but still wanting to touch him. I kept working and working. Stopping and revisiting until I got it where I was happy to put it in a crucial section of the book.

Stacey Z Lawrence’s rough draft on her poem “Cuffs” Credit and Copyright by Stacey Z. Lawrence

This poem went through many changes. Here are two specifically.

I still wear your shirts to sleep/except in August when I drift/naked, tofu in a cloud of Miso. I did away with the tofu metaphor. I changed the word wear to kiss and finally to fuck. I like to use the word sparingly but I like the word a lot. It holds a fuck load of weight. 🙂

deterred by that tag. For this section I decided to use onomatopoeia so that the reader could feel the tag. I also changed the physical form by creating a pattern that looked like a jab.

I also decided to put the word STOP in all caps to draw the reader into the sheer suddenness of the speaker’s loss. Also, I am deeply inspired by the poetry of Ntozake Shange (Below). She used this technique in some of her poems.

What do you want readers of this poem to take from this poem? I hope readers of my poetry will find a way to allow my work to apply to them and their loves and losses

Which part of the poem was the most emotional of you to write and why?

that damn tag/ jabs/jabs jabs/at my nape/like a telegraph message/ from the war department

It was cathartic comparing the feel of the tag on his shirt to the rhythm and terror of a telegraph letter from the war department. It is one of my favorite lines in my book, FALL RISK.

Stacey Z Lawrence in June of 2020. Credit and Copyright by Stacey Z Lawrence

Has this poem been published before? And if so where? I was grateful to have an earlier version of this poem published in Eunoia Review.

Cuffs

Eunoia Review

And in my chapbook poetry collection Fall Risk.

https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/fall-risk-by-stacey-lawrence/

A young widow and cancer survivor, Stacey Z Lawrence is a veteran public high school teacher of Poetry, Creative Writing & Drama. Her work can be seen in The Comstock Review, Eunoia Review, Flora Fiction, Broad River Review, Vita Brevis, Dream Noir & others. She was both long & short-listed for the 2019 & 2021 Fish Prize in Poetry judged by Billy Collins. Stacey has a BA in Drama from William Paterson University, an MA in English & MAT in Speech & Theater from Montclair State University & was awarded a fellowship to the Robert Frost House in 2016. She was a coach & mentor for the national PoetryOutLoud competition & the NJ Governor’s Awards. Stacey co-founded the drama company, Stage Right Productions & was former director of the social action performance troupe, Impact Theater. In 2012 she worked with playwright Naomi Patz to direct the debut production of Karel Svenk’s devastating Holocaust parody, The Last Cyclist. She is the creator of student programs The Write Stuff & Poems in the Woods & the former lead singer of the bands, Test Patterns & Three In Motion. An avid hiker, Stacey has a writing cottage in the Catskills. She is the mother to 2 incredible daughters & 4 cool cats. Fall Risk is her first book.