What is the date you began writing this memoir and the date when you completed the memoir? I began writing this memoir about ten years. It’s a story about my search for my Irish roots. My Irish mother gave birth to me in England and returned to Ireland, alone, soon after I was born. I grew up in England with an English foster mother. I wrote the first draft but it was just the ‘bones’ of my story and some bones were in the wrong place and some were missing. I knew that my story needed work and I intended to rewrite it but I didn’t, for a long time. When I eventually came back to it I realised that I had ‘sugar coated’ some of the parts that were hard to write. The editing I did made it a much better story.
Where did you do most of your writing for this memoir? And please describe in detail. I did most of my writing sitting in our sun room.
What were your writing habits while writing this memoir- did you drink something as you wrote, listen to music, write in pen and paper, directly on laptop; specific time of day? My writing habits were a bit erratic. I tend to write when I feel like writing and become completely absorbed by the process. Then I don’t write. I admire people who write daily – I’ve just never had a disciplined approach. Sometimes I scribble a few notes when I think of something that I want to include but when I’m editing I just work on the laptop. Having a first draft was very useful. It doesn’t matter if it’s not well written, what matters is having the information written/typed. It’s easy to assume you will remember the details but as time passes you forget some of it. Write it down!
Out of all the specific memories you write about in this memoir, which ONE MEMORY was the most emotional for you to write about? And can you share that specific excerpt with us here. The excerpt can be as short or as long as you prefer, and please provide page numbers as reference. One memory that I found hard to write was sharing the joy of finding my birth mother with my foster mother. I was so immersed in my own enthusiasm I didn’t consider how it would affect her.
“When we returned to England I told Violet about our visits. I wanted to share my excitement with her. She was thoughtful and she said.
‘I hope you’ll not reject me now that you’ve found your Mum.’
I could tell that she’d found it difficult to say that to me and it felt like an arrow in my heart. How could I have been so stupid, so insensitive? How could she think I might reject her? I made myself answer calmly,
‘You’re my Mum, she’s Mary.’
It was the best answer I was able to give. Later, I thought it sounded as if I was dismissing the significance of finding Mary. That wasn’t how I felt. The two relationships were different. They filled different compartments in my life. I didn’t know how to explain that to her. I was troubled by that conversation and I broached the subject again, another time.
‘I hope that my visits to Ireland don’t upset you.’ I said.
‘No, I’m your Mum and she’s Mary. I’m glad that you found her while I’m still around.’
Violet was pragmatic and it seemed that she meant what she said. What mattered to me was that she knew that she wouldn’t lose me and she never did.”
Can you describe the emotional process of writing about this ONE MEMORY? Re-telling that memory brought back the feelings I experienced at the time. Those feelings recur whenever I think of that situation. I was so absorbed by my search and delighted that I had found my birth mother that no other considerations were apparent. I just wanted to share my joy with my foster mother. I remember she was hesitant about raising the possibility that I might reject her. She didn’t want to cause conflict between us. As most people know, rows between mothers and daughters are not unusual, regardless of the love between them. When she said that to me, I felt so much love for her and so protective of her but I struggled to find the right words to say. Those feelings come flooding back as I write.
Sylvia Greene grew up in Yorkshire, England, and worked in Public Health developing initiatives to support mental health. After years of trying to discover the truth about her own identity she moved to Tipperary, Ireland, with her partner and their daughter. They restored the homeplace and now grow trees on the family land that was a farm in years gone by. This is an afforestation project which provides some income and benefits the environment. She continued to uncover her own family history and became involved in local heritage projects and writers’ groups. After uncovering history on her maternal side, dating back to the late 1700s, she used ancestry DNA testing to discover her paternal side. She discovered four, previously unknown, half-brothers. She describes her main attributes as tenacity and resourcefulness.
